Monday, August 13, 2012
It has been a while...
It has been some time since I last posted on this blog. My life was thrown a curve ball and we are slowly learning how to swing a bat at life's turns. I was in a relationship for 11 years and we have three gorgeous kiddos out of it. I found out he had been secretly married to someone in another country. So I amazingly did not kill him. But told him to leave and I nicely gave him a month to get out. Meanwhile he had already moved her to the United States. He conned her into forgiving him and they are now expecting a baby in March. Meanwhile I have been left to pick up the pieces of my shattered life. My kids' are trying to come to grips with everything that has occurred. My oldest daughter is heart broken. She still has hopes we will get back together. Miguel is not at all happy about the new baby. Khyla is thankfully young enough for this to not affect her too much. Throughout this process I have learned a few things.
First-always trust your gut. When he started leaving every year on his own vacation and refused to take us with him that was my first sign. His whispering in to his phone and him keeping a lock on it was another sign. Him deciding to not ever want to do anything with the kids and I another sign. I knew something was going on, I would be lying if I said I didn't. Not sure if I just didn't want to accept it or if I was really just in denial.
Second - NO ONE ever deserves to have gone through what the children and I went through. No ones deserves to have the floor ripped up from under them. My kids do DESERVE to have a mom and dad who love them. They deserve a dad who wants to be with them. Who respects them, not lie to them. One who puts them first and does everything and makes every decision knowing how it will effect the kids. Not one who is a dad of convenience.
Third- God never gives you more than you can handle. I am a true believer everything happens for a reason. Not sure what I ever did to deserve this but it will all work out the way it is supposed to.
Now don't get me wrong. I truly despise my ex. I would love to take out his knees and mess up his beautiful little face. I am angry and just don't understand how or why he went about this the way he did. How he could look at his childrens' innocent faces knowing he was deceiving them. How he thought this double life of his was not going to come out especially when he moved her to this country. The only answers I have gotten about anything has come from his wife. SO I now know how long they have been together and I know when they got married. Of course part of me and asks was it me? What could I have done to prevent this. OF course everyone says it was not you. I know I have learned what I should do if I decide to ever date again.
I know I should never take the relationship for granted. I need to make sure he knows I appreciate him. I also know date night will be in order. But I also know I will NOT fall victime to this again. I deserve to be loved completely. I also find lots of humor through all of this. I am pretty sure I deserve my own reality show. I mean seriously if the Kardashians can have a show I think my life should be one. Everyday something new pops up. Sometimes good, sometimes a wtf moment, and sometimes I wonder how I even function.
Through all of this my kids now get more attention from their dad. He is now involved when he has them. At the end of this I got three beautiful little loves that keep me going. That I would not change for anything......
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